she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
