He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It was confusing and full of hummus
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
