bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You may now shotgun with the bride
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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