I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
