So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
