the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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