wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
