Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
