I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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