You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
