he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
