woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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