3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
