Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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