I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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