You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
