While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
