She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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