I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
