I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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