I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
