So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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