Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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