Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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