They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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