I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize