Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
