I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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