Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
