He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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