eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
