did you get engaged???
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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