my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
