Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
