She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
