He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
