his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
