My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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