Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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