I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
