you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
