hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
