last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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