Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize