Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
