Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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