Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
