i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
