dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
