Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
