I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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