Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
