Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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