Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
