Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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