He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
