Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize