I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
