you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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