Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
