try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
