I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
