OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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