i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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