You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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