Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
