I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize