Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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